Genesis 2:18: And the Lord God said, “It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him.”

Semantics can be a challenging study. Two words can often mean the same thing, such as in the words house and residence. Other times, the same word can have multiple meanings, as in the term cool, which can mean “fairly cold” or “fashionable” or even “unfriendly.” Ah, the fun of teaching the English language!

But, in the realm of biblical discourse, precision in our semantics is crucial. Differences in definitions can separate the closest of friends, even leading to the charge of “heretic.”

Recently, there has been a tempest in a teapot over the KJV term “helpmeet.” In my opinion (and you know I have one) the main source of steam in this tempest is actually a red herring – a diversion or distraction from the true objective. We will get into why I believe this to be a red herring in a few minutes, but first let’s discuss the term “helpmeet.”

“Helpmeet” is an Old English version of the more modern, yet often despised, word “helpmate.” Genesis 2:18, in the King James Version of the Bible, says, “And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.” Note – the words help and meet are not one, but two words. This particular combination of words is used only here – at Creation. Let’s look at the definition of the terms.

The first word, ezer in Hebrew, means helper. Yep, that’s it. It means helper.

And guess what, this term (and its root and derivatives) is used around 80 times in the Old Testament. It is even used as a word to describe God Himself. Psalm 33:20 describes God as “our help and our shield.” Psalm 70:5 calls Him our “help and our deliverer.” “Our help comes from the Lord, Who made heaven and earth” (Psalm 121:1-2). “Happy is he that hath the God of Jacob for his help…” (Psalm 146:5).

When referring to God as a helper to man, I am obviously not implying that the God of the universe is man’s assistant—or second in command. I am referring to the fact that man is lacking something that only God can supply. “God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.” (Psalm 46:1) God’s people can cry out to God: “Give us help from trouble: for vain is the help of man. Through God we shall do valiantly: for he it is that shall tread down our enemies.” (Psalm 60:11-12)

There are lots of helpers in our lives. And, if we were speaking OT Hebrew, we would use the term ezer (or one of its related words) to describe some of these helpers, depending on the context.

I remember many a time when Caleb (my 11-year-old son) was younger, he would come along to “help” me while I was engaged in some wood working project. Little hammer in hand, he would try to drive nails alongside me. Of course, when he was younger, he was not the best of “ezers,” so I would end up driving the nails myself. But, his heart was certainly in the right place. He wanted to help and serve his father. And my responsibility (Eph 6:4) was to allow him to help me – and at the same time train him to learn to be used of his Heavenly Father.

Reflecting on our text in Genesis, God looks at Adam and sees that it is not good for him to be alone. Adam has areas of lack—areas of inadequacy. So, God declares that He will make for him a helper. Here is the exciting part – God makes the perfect helper for Adam – one “meet” or “comparable” to him.

This leads us to the second word – meet. This can be translated “counterpart.” This term helps us see there is a special helper for Adam, unlike any other on earth (Genesis 2:20). This is a descriptive term that defines a special role. This particular helper would correspond to Adam, filling his need—giving him balance and stability. The resulting “one flesh” union is a complementary relationship. Adam had areas of weakness – Eve had areas of strength. Where Eve was weak, Adam proved strong. Ah, the wonder and mystery of Christian marriage!

So, here’s the deal. If a child wants to be my “ezer,” my helper, do I complain? Of course not! I want to have the opportunity to teach my Caleb to use a hammer! He will be a man someday and will need that skill. Now, when my daughter tells me she wants to be my “ezer,” my helper—seeking to assist me in my ministry, am I troubled with this? Of course not. And neither is most of the Christian world. Especially in light of the fact that she will be a helper to her future husband! But so much more than just a helper. My daughter, Lord willing, will be a biblical help meet to her own husband someday!

But, here’s the rub. Say my daughter is an adult daughter who has made the decision to stay home until marriage, following examples outlined in Scripture. Is this fine with me? Of course! But not so with some in the Christian world. There are those who would say that such a decision is unnatural, outdated, ill-advised, a waste of time, even though there is a biblical case to be made for the decision.

And in swims the red herring. Since there is a biblical case to be made for this decision, those in opposition may look for an angle – a diversion. And such, sadly, has happened.

In their joy to say, “We are our daddy’s helpers!” some well meaning young ladies  have used the incorrect term “helpmeet” rather than helper [editorial clarification - I am not inferring the authors of So Much More made this error - I have not seen this in my reading of their book - I also encourage you to read my 10/6 comment below as it provides additional insight to this issue].

“Aha!” cry the opponents. “Here are the false teachers! They are using the wrong word! Out with the baby! Out with the bathwater!” (For an interesting perspective, read Psalm 35, especially verses 19-21) 

Suddenly, innocent gatherings such as father-daughter teas are lampooned.  Daughters who symbolically give their father’s their hearts to guard until marriage are ridiculed (though I find it odd that “Promise Rings” are ok). Oh, and the fathers are castigated. We live in a sad day when a father and daughter cannot share paternal love—for even some who claim Christ roll their eyes.

So, what is the problem? The decision to stay at home until marriage? The conviction to serve one’s family? The audacity to teach this as something found in God’s Word? Yes, this is their problem. But it is hard to assault since the Bible speaks of these things. So – attack the term – a term unfortunately misused by a few well-meaning daughters. And then say this great heresy was in the heart of the authors all the time. It is as if some sinister plot is afoot!

And, when young ladies learn their error and correct their statements, or when others provide statements endorsing the correct usage of the terms, are their words met with grace? No. Some of those who stand against the practice of daughters remaining at home insinuate diabolical motives, calling into question the veracity of these clear statements. And they call this Berean? So much for living in unity.

Well, time to close. I have my true “helper comparable to me,” Stacy, and a couple of “ezers,” (daughters), calling me to the dinner table.